my worst birthday ever, 28th april 2013.
i know i'm not anak kesayangan. belajar pun tak sampai mana. keja pun main-main. keja bukan glemer mana pun. bukan anak yang dibanggakan. takde boifren di umur 28 tahun.
i guess i have learned enough to not trust guys and relationshit. i have encountered love from young age and met guys from many different backgrounds. and i have learned my lessons on which type of guys that i need/don't like to be my partner.
i am a very feminist type of person. i don't like guys who discriminate girls, the one who lied and do violence. i am very very very scared of this type of guys.
being 28, first in the morning is receiving a wish sms from mom plus the thing of "i think u can find a partner to build up ur own family". it is really heartbreaking and can bring me to tears even by thinking of them. even i cried a lot of this in the office today. i'm just not that strong.
mom's wishes is really obligated to make true. tell me to do anything, i'll do them. tell me to go to any places, i'll go. but tell me to get married, i don't think so. i see alot of guys yang saja nak try the girls, test-market is even worse. ini ke calon2 yang nak dibuat laki? i don't think so.
i once said, kalau mati lebih baik then i'll choose that over marriage. if i suddenly to get any incurable disease, then just let it be. i think it's not worth even to share with someone close. at times like this, a loner like me feels so lonely now.
with nobody to turns to, with no one to talk to. there's just alot more that u don't even know about me. that i kept secret for too long. that i menzalimi diri sendiri to even to get married.
to say that i cannot move on from any previous relationshit? bitch, please. i am way ahead. but what happened in the past have made me this. that i don't think i deserve to be loved.
i feel so small in a large world.
if anybody wanna get married, then go ahead like i care. but don't force me into one. i have suffered for too long that i don't think i can recover. maybe then the right kinda guy can save me, but let's say that in your dreams ah.
i don't believe in fairy tales, nor reality. ottoke?
i'm happy with other people's happiness, but just don't ask me to create one. i can't.
what a complicated ways to be me.
but.
who can i turn to when things get rough and i cannot think? there's just no one. i only have myself and God above. i hope that He is not tired of listening.
siapa tak mau kawen? i have rumbled about this for too long that i can remember. only my past behold me. restrains the current and future me.
ah, that's why i am more into exercising nowadays. just to distract my thoughts and making me tired to sleep. even to watch revenge oso kepenatan.
other people cannot see me sad n stressed. i am the toughest of the tough. only i deserved to be in this kind of situation.
i hope that girls out there can find their other half too. may God bless and u can find your happiness. stop whining but believe.
i don't really see my future. maybe my life won't meet my other half, like tak sempat. i cannot imagine happiness with a partner. like seriously.
guys, stop tricking girls. it is not fun. destroying a girl's life. it is not fun too. toksahla for the sake nak berkenalan bagai then u mengorat sakan, but then there's nothing but hopes. it is not fun and very disturbing.
what i want for my birthday? to happily celebrate with family and friends. but i don't get it that way. infact, this is the birthday that i cried my lungs out and so much. like i used up all my cries quota this time.
i want to go for holidays. i want an ice cream cake. i want new phone, s4 probably. i want new job. i want to get them all by myself and my money see, a guy not always can fit in there. my life has taught me to not too dependable on guys. kena berdikari, laki tak suka perempuan lembik sangat.
guess, guys like that a lot. and they simply won't chase an independent girl like me. that simple.
when the things get tough, and i have no one to talk to. this is the place that i will say my heart out.
posted from Bloggeroid
