smell

i don't know if, it's just me, or others can smell this too..

but..

i think, between after making sex and u mandi wajib, there's some kind of smell which is so unpleasant.

i've tried to ask en g, but he doesn't seems to aware about this though.

perempuan dan lelaki. both can have this.

to be precise, maybe it is the post-ejaculated smell kot.

for those yang tidak mandi wajib, this smell retains for around one or two days. tapi maybe lepas tu hilang la kot.

but i really don't stand this smell and i tried to avoid it so badly.

itu jela kot. i just would like to see the malays betul2 melakukan apa yang agama suruh, bukan buat separuh-separuh. like, pakai tudung tapi tak solat. it is so dissapointed to see someone close like that.

ok lah, lenkali sambung lagi. chiow!

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afraid

don't be.

just because u might bump into him, don't let that scare u.

just because u make a promise, kalau ada jodoh, to meet at the entrance of the event, do not hesitate.

just because u decided to end everything and let it over, don't feel bad n sorry.

there are no space to fill up with all the nonsense.

we just simply stop talking and move on. there is nothing happened between us.

well. ur life is cherished after u make the decision, right?

it maybe not like obviously wonderful. but u have the freedom to be real u, withouy tied-up with confusing feeling n caught-up situations.

at least, u can do whatever things u want, go places wherever u wanna go, buy anything u wanna have, save up for all ur missions later.

n obviously, do not have to keep the unsure burden to urself.

it's ok if in the end, u're not gonna get married. i won't be troubling others when there is only me who's left, to take good care of myself.

in terms of happiness, just let all the others that ruined mine to be happy. if karma hit u back, then u get ur part. if u don't, maybe not now.

i'm not saying i'm a saint either. just be optimistic n get real, for the things that might not happen.

i'm scared n i'm tired n i'm about losing my faith to believe in miracles. out of there's so many mistakes i've done, this is largest of all that unbearable.

if ever it will not happen, maybe by then i will be closer than ever.

closer to the creator.

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lonely

i do feel a bit lonely, here and there.

sometimes.

but i guess, if the good guy is not there, there are no points for me to proceed for marriage.

perhaps i would love to consider on being single for the rest of my life.

it's just that. it's hard for me to trust guys anymore. i don't know.

that feeling inside.

it's not that i'm gonna die if i'm not married right? even if i die, there's no one even care to bother right?

the efffect will just be the same.

no need to think too much lah.

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kereta mayat

the book:

permata yang hilang kini dijumpai

perasaan membaca?

i burst into tears reading this one chapter. no, it's not penyesalan dalam bidang agama. i am trying my best to improve myself to be a better muslim.

it is another story.

related to my life. my sad life.

the only regret that i cannot forgive.

it is hurt and being the most painful matter in my life. ever.

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chiang mai: day 2

bangun kemaen awal. lagi awal dari pegi keje oi! bersiap suma dah setengah jam. bekpes pulak sejam. nak kena kumpul pukul tujuh pagi tu!!

sebelum tu. time difference ialah sejam lewat dari malaysia ye kawan-kawan. tapi tetap la awal bebeno ha bangunnya.

another friendly reminder for travellers in thailand. only plug 2-pin jer yang ada in the hotel or maybe for the whole country. n for those yang dah biasa travel, silap besar la kalau korang expect ada iron kat hotel. yupe, none found here. so i terpaksa lah pakai tudung tak bergosok the whole trip! grrr..

today's destination is to chiang rai. the golden triangle, the border meeting thailand, myanmar n laos. on the way, menyinggah sejap in hot spring. panas gilo merendam kaki main air bagai. such a sporting me!

tak lupa menyinggah rong koon budhism temple (white/silver temple). no-photo inside the temple, tak dapat nak tunjuk gambo memacam caricature inside. maikel jeksen, angry bird, doraemon, keanu reeves dan transformers pun ada tu! surprising dak? mebi abit puzzle-ing. ahaks!

heading mae khong river. kitorang naik bot ke laos. jalan-jalan kat sungai tu macam kak long kawasan pula. bos belanja naik bot. yihu! beli souvenior sket n one thing i do admit, i cair sket dengan budak perempuan comel. definitely i bought stuffs from 'em dengan banyak. ohoi.

naik tebing, lunch. mr nob odi pack our halal lunch dari town lagi. a cake box' s packaging, consist of 1 sandwich cheese, 1 sandwich tuna, epal, telur rebus, pisang, air mineral, croissant n kek almond. cukup ha pakej. lengkap!

habis lunch, masuk kejak mae sai, beli souvenior lagi! baju n keychain gitu.

next, masuk northern most of thailand, sempadan dengan myanmar. tak beli apa lah sini.

balik pun dah setat running nose. singgah kejak kat jade place. i bought a red garnet pendant untuk mak. murah jela pun tapi. hmm.. empat ratus bath je.

sampai dah quite malam after dinner in another ruammit 1 branch. makan tomyam putih, sotong masak sos, kangkung ikan masin kot n ayam masak halia.

at first just me n chew je yang nak merayap kat local market. menghampiri, si faizah ngan eli pun nak join sekali. reached, tetibe suma perempuan men-join sekali. hamboi semua!

market ni ok, but a bit boring la pulak. asyik jumpa benda yang sama depan-belakang.

balik hotel naik lori kaler merah tu. bayar 20 baht sorang. tiup-tiup angin gitu. kalau diorang kidnap pun, sampai ke sudah kitorang tak tau nak kabo cemana. haha

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chiang mai: day 1

dis is the festaim kampeni buat.

dis is the festaim jugak i penah join sempena dah masuk alam bekerja ni.

orait la kan. trip free, ditanggung suma, sapa la yang taknak kan?

modalnya hanya renew passport n duit belanja sket. passport bayar rm 100 untuk 2 tahun. duit belanja pulak tukar rm 511 to get 5000 baht.

woke up late, rushing to the epot. mandi n mekap cecepat. sumbat apa yang patut. ikat tali kasut kat seat belakang. not too late reach epot. sebbek!

flight kuala lumpur to chiang mai, depart from lcct at 6.55 am. in-flight food ialah nasik beriyani. amboi, kemaen mewah. ahaaa!!

sampai epot, disambut by mr nob. check-in hotel letak beg, then heading to doi suthep buddhism temple. ada energy terlebih, i managed to climb all the stairs to the temple above n siap me-round lagi dengan eli, the pregnant lawyer.
turun the dizzy hill, lunch in muslim resturant near hotel. jumpa mr pillai dari melaka, keja laos lepak chiang mai. recommended to eat samkain of their laksa, the egg noodle. lebih kurang mi kari kita tapi lemak2 gitu. plus the ketiau sup. amboi sedapnya!

malamnya dinner in ruammit 1 restaurant. makan berdua, tapi hidangan can feed a hungry family yu! ikan kerapu sweet sour, ayam dengan cashew nuts, tomyam seafood n sayur apa yer? roselle for drinks plus buah-buahan for dessert. acane tak kembong perut. wah gitu!

balik hotel dan kekenyangan!

sampai tak larat nak merayap kat local market. ohoi!

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perati

orang kata, usia macam gua ni dah patut kawen.

orang kata, usia macam gua ni patut dah ada anak. paling kurang pun, sorang dua mesti dah berderet.

orang kata, usia macam gua ni tak patut la nak menapis bagai. kena terima je sape yang masuk meminang kekdahnya.

orang kata, usia macam gua ni tak patut dah nak jual mahal. karang takde yang berkenan, naya. hidup bujang lah sampai ke tua. kalau tak jadik andartu, entah-entah jadik andalusia.

orang kata itu, orang kata ini. tapi yang nak kawennya gua kan?

engkorang nak kenen-kenen mamat sana-sini ni, engkorang tahu ke macamana solatnya? dijaga ke idok? amalan kerohaniannya kuat ke tidak? kalau tak berapa kuat tu, dibuat konsisten ke jarang-jarang ikut arus lalang? dia ni everyday guy ke, every jumaat guy ke, every raya guy ke?

takkan la engkorang tak tahu-tahu lagi kan. bukan ke lelaki tu nak jadik sang imam. kalau tak lurus ketuanya, mau bengkok yang belakangnya ni.

mungkin gua sombong, yes. mungkin gua tak berminat, mungkin jugak. mungkin gua playing hard to get. tapi gua ni ada jugak mata, haa..sampai dua bijik ni.

perempuan kan, memerhati ni memang fitrahnya. untuk apa lah tak diguna yang dua bijik ni, kalau tak dapat melihat si calon suami.

i've been interacting with different kinds of guys and definitely, i do observe all these. yang mana percaya tuhan. yang mana beramal ibadat. yang mana kene ketuk. yang mana buat otometik. yang mana improving.

apa ke senang-senang je nak terima kalau dah terang-terang tahu perangai dan sikap lelaki tu kurang sesuai dengan kita? nak diharap lelaki berubah lepas kawen? ah kirim salam lah. takkan nyer lah. never. nehi.

ada pulak nak testing-testing macam gitu.

kalau yang baik budi pekertinya, memang lah calon menantu pilihan mak mertua. tapi solat dan amal ibadat pun kena lah dijaga. itu yang paling utama. kalau dapat yang lengkap atau ekstra pakejnya, itu bonus.

ewah engkorang ni. tahu lah gua ni idok ler baik bebeno. tapi, takkan gua nak kabor ke seantero alam kalau-kalau gua berubah menjadi yang lebih baik? takkan lah gua nak canang seisi dunia lelaki tang mana yang gua cari? takkan lah gua nak habaq mai reason gua tak kawen because everybody got a dark side?

man-man sikit lah kan.

kalau gua ditakdirkan tak kawen jugak, gua harap masih ada yang menyayangi gua. bukan lah gua harap yang si kekasih-kekasih bagai ni. ibu bapa, kawan-kawan, orang tua, mahupun budak kecik.

apalah diharap sangat gua ni berkawen. mungkin tak sempat agaknya gua ni nak jejak pelamin. hmm..

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